。說本書給你聽。
這個年過得有些長。「長假」真是適合讀小說的日子，搖晃的旅程，搖呀搖地不小心就會踩入綿綿的小說氛圍拔不出來。在書櫃前看了許久，最後捨了《海神家族》丟下《戰廢品》取走了《追風箏的孩子》，當然是因為那水藍色的封面還有優雅輕柔的書名，當然最重要是因為對這故事一無所知，或許能給我「不期而遇」的美麗記憶，所以就帶著上路了。
如果你想看，應該也是很久很久以後的事吧！嗯！是很厚的一本書，總共有360幾頁。你應該會說：「沒時間、真的沒時間啦...」可是我還是想忍住，不想細說故事給你聽，原諒我有些美國人的風格，把小說結局蓋著。(書中說在阿富汗人家問你電影怎樣，你就要快點把結局跟人家分享，而在美國卻不能說，所以有次在錄影帶店阿米爾跟人家詳細的說了結局，被那美國人瞪...)
這書的場景在阿富汗，故事發生在小少爺阿米爾跟小僕人哈山的故事。如果問我這書在說什麼?我想是一種悔恨，一種難以拋棄、不自主產生的行為的悔恨。書中的哈山總是「阿米爾大人、阿米爾大人」的叫，住的是屋外小柴房，阿米爾去念書他就工作，下午下課後再跟阿米爾一起玩。而那悔恨是在戰亂後阿米爾逃到美國後回想過去所產生的，在離開那個主人住屋子；僕人住柴房的日子，回想起過去他知道那樣待哈山的方式，為難了哈山...。所以這對身份(僕人)的岐視是一種難以拋棄、不自主產生的，而回想自己的點滴作為，便產生這種悔恨。
在搖晃回蘇澳的火車上，我邊看故事邊掉淚。這小說一開始就引人入勝，每當覺淂接下來是不是要「拖戲」的時候又突然轉折再下一章，這故事說的不拖泥帶水說的讓人流淚心酸。於是懂了，一個想要把家鄉故事說完的人，這幾頁倒短了，在他心裡可能已經捨棄好多篇章了...。
我們總用自己的故事理解別人的故事。
初二那天，家裡的外勞跑了。我記得她跟我差不多年紀，在越南還有個家要養，孩子先生都等著她，到蘇澳來照顧外婆都快二年了。「什麼?阿水還沒回家?她說她今天去姊姊那裏要慶祝生日，她跟我說會早點回來的...*^%)&U)。」電話這端媽媽拿著電話大聲回著，我腦中突然浮起「藝妓回憶錄」的情節 - 姊妹約了逃跑的劇情...。晚上10點多媽回到家：「阿水跟她姊姊真的跑了，都沒回去...。」過了不久，媽咪跟妹妹就開始「前情提要」了。
我有兩個舅舅一個阿姨，對於阿水大家都差不多。愛喝酒的二舅媽，愛吃醋也愛計較，一喝酒來不得了，發瘋似的亂罵。大舅跟二舅則總是為了阿水的薪水吵架，小阿姨算待她好，但是那種對「傭人」的好。不過聽「前情提要」的人提劇情不太準，所以媽咪略過不談。
我們論著她在最後一天拿到的好處(紅包)，我們卻說著她憑什麼身分管誰有沒有回阿嬤家；我們說著阿嬤多麼疼她，卻跳過不討論為何不讓她放假；我們說著她聰明也很用心學中文，還會用本子記下來慢慢學，卻也討論著以前的人為什麼要讓奴隸跟主人做的事不一樣，因為這樣她們才會認命才會乖...。
以前我們總說台灣人最好了，沒有什麼階級也沒有種族歧視。我想那是因為我們沒有機會，以前的台灣，人跟人很接近，富人跟貧人很接近、政府跟人民很接近，所以沒有那種機會試煉 - 了解自己是否也會岐視別人。突然間，我發現自己跟阿米爾一樣的軟弱，必須靠著踩踏別人才能維持住自己的驕傲。我甚至覺得自己只是來不及，來不及有「不自主產生的悔恨」，說不定當我面對阿水/(哈山)的時候，我也會產生那種令人厭惡的驕傲...。
我們總因為別人的故事釐清了自己的事。很多人寫這本小說的書評，但我卻想到我們怎樣對待家裡的外勞，我想我是看到了對自己的擔憂，身邊逐漸出現這種試煉，而我是否也存有許多以「己」出發的偏執觀點呢?!我對身邊的人好嗎?...(晚上真的不能想事情，會憂鬱的...)
都忘了這信是要問你，這年過得好嗎?
最後更新時間 2007-03-08 23:24:33
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