。空‧間。
記得女性主義的某堂課談到了「空間」，老師突然放下課本感嘆的說：車子真是空間延伸的發明，會開車的女人延伸了「空間掌握權」。那時沒有特別的感受，只覺得-這老師真愛開車呀！
兩年前，我帶著對「空間延伸」的景仰去學開車了，真是莫名奇妙的經驗。教練對你的空間感毫無興致，只急切的想跟你說
「這個點對到柱上那第二條線的時候，記得右轉兩圈半」。
什麼？右轉兩圈半？這應該是體操選手的口號吧！
「等我一下，我下車看看。」當我對了三次柱上第二條線學倒車的時候說了。
教練於是無奈地說：「你很用功喔！」
是呀！我得為我自己的空間負責，一個男人是不會了解在路上女人開車衝撞的辛苦的呀。
當我開始能安心坐在駕駛台上，一切也跟著改變。
我開始喜歡自己一個人在車上，一個緊閉獨立卻可以看到外面的空間。開車讓我可以孤獨卻不恐慌，不必憂心自己與世界斷絕。透過一面玻璃，把自己安全的包了起來。
有一陣子，我會把車停在路口，在車上躺著聽廣播、講電話甚至閱讀。我的車上有著各式物品，毯子、枕頭、小說、浮板、禮券、髮夾、衣架、拖鞋、雨傘、紙袋、地圖、紙筆...。不是因為愛亂丟，而是因為車都快成了第二個家，有些家裡的東西在車上也算正常吧！
假日時候我總是自己一個人開車晃，車窗那片景緻也是百看不厭。夏日午後，陽光會在葉片間穿梭落下；秋初會有些微雨，一點一點將窗前暈染開，像是水彩沾染畫紙的效果；冬日雨也急切，窗前模糊一片加上強風陣陣，有著恐怖氣氛。無論何時，愛樂電台的琴聲總能適切增添氣氛，這些都只能一個人安安靜靜的欣賞，對吧！
到了台北，在車上一人獨處的時間更長了。每週往返新竹台北間，有種孤獨的幸福感。通常都是白天，從台北開往新竹，沿路整理著待會會議的思緒。有時遇上誘人的陽光，到了中正機場那段，會突然聞到自由的氣味，產生右轉直奔機場的衝動。
而我最愛，還是晚間開車回台北那段。上高速公路前打開ICRT，車內成了演唱會現場。但在車子逐漸滑過楊梅收費站(這段路夜間常有濃霧)，這時不但降了車速連廣播音量都得調小，因為開始會有雜訊產生。吱吱的干擾在山間迴盪，加上夜間開車，眼睛在此時開始濛濛一片，這段路開起來很缺乏真實感，彷彿一不注意就會開到另一個空間去了。
就生活層面來看，一個人的日子做什麼事都等同，但在心理層面來看，開車阻斷了我對「其他人類」的依賴，對方向盤的控制讓我對自己越來越不想放手了。這樣是好，還是不好呢？！
2006.03.05
最後更新時間 2007-03-04 11:16:42
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