【短篇創作】淡味
那天晚上，一如往常，先生剛下班回家，坐在客廳沙發看著電視。
「應該是因為天氣熱悶住了...」我如此喃喃唸著，解釋自己的焦躁，坐在他的身旁，淡淡的汗味從他身上傳來，這味有些不同，但又不那麼強烈，也不是過分乾淨的味道，但這汗是怎麼來的呢？
那天晚上我奮力站起，到廚房洗碗，想讓水流去心裡的不安。
隔天送小孩上學後，在街上晃著，我要開口問嗎?這幾年一直都很好，他工作認真偶爾晚回家也是因為加班，假日總是為家人空著，有時男人間那些渾話他也很少回應。即使如此，我還是心提著，可能這一切幸福的太理所當然令人害怕吧！
直到那天晚上那股輕而淡的汗味，可是，我總不能因為汗而質問他吧！
「第一次來嗎？」「想剪頭髮。好！簡單變一下不要改太多。」設計師很年輕，三十出頭的樣子。
「我們會先幫你按摩，等下再洗頭喔！手先伸出來幫你熱敷。」
他沒有特別笑也不板著臉，我伸出了左手，被蓋上了一條溫熱的毛巾，隔著毛巾厚實的手握住我，略為施力的指尖，有種安撫的力量傳過來。
而後他請我閉著眼睛，慢慢有股柑橘味道的精油在鼻尖散開，如催眠師般的聲音說著
吸-------------- 吐---------------
溫熱的指腹接觸到後頸的肌膚時，感到一股電流從腳底往上竄，約過五秒他的手臂竟伸入衣縫，在肩上按壓，我全身一緊、屏住呼吸。而後輕輕伸出手，接著在我手臂由上緩緩往下，那動作似由背後擁抱的姿勢，一種讓人安心的感覺。
眼淚在目框轉著，我分不清楚是難過還是罪惡，但這樣小小的暢快竟讓我心稍稍平靜。
從那時候開始，我只要感覺到他身上輕微的汗味，就得用此種「儀式」放縱自己，像駱駝一樣埋頭裝做一切都沒發生，我就這樣交換著，用罪惡感藏住我逼問他的衝動，冷靜地維持住我不哭不鬧的形象。
大概是今晚吧！每兩個星期一次的固定頻率，就像他安穩的性格，但今天決定先來，讓我有阿Q式的小勝利。
坐在鏡前，背後整片透明落地窗映著，遠遠地有個身影，鏡內的疊影非常不真實，他像是從我幻想中走進這裡，在鏡子的邊線看到了他的他，他們前後走著有些距離。
看不出來嗎？來看寢具的兩個男人，即使不牽手他倆的距離也過分親近了吧...
我急促地丟下了錢，帶著半乾的頭髮倉皇逃出。「下一步該怎麼辦呢？」我心裡猶豫著，「要另外再找個人或什麼事繼續維持這種恐怖平衡嗎？」
怎麼只有焦急的汗，淚呢...
2006.08.20
最後更新時間 2007-03-04 11:23:35
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