Shine最推薦 - 向田邦子 《父親的道歉信》
這篇寫了許多關於動物眼睛的事，成篇打完太長了，只把前面有關魚的那段截了下來，如果沒空可以先擱著，等有心思再開來看...。她寫的東西乾淨、輕巧沒有負擔，其實有時間真的可以買來看看，有時右手承著書本的重量，左手拎起一片片書頁，能讓文字以奇妙狀態進入心底，那真的不是只用右手食指上下滑動能取代的。
只截一小段，一字字為你打上的，希望你也喜歡邦子的書。不過Joyce看了後應該更沒辦法逼她吃魚了吧！
小時候我很不喜歡吃小魚乾。
不是說我討厭吃魚或是討厭沙丁魚，而是用乾草繩穿過魚眼睛讓我覺得很恐怖，看到就覺得眼睛發疼，根本沒有食慾。
不記得是幾歲了。有一天祖母用火爐在烤小魚乾，站在旁邊的我看著四條串成一串的小魚乾問：「牠們是兄弟姐妹還是朋友呢？」
祖母一邊搖著焦黃的蒲扇，一邊用同樣燒得焦黑的筷子翻動魚乾，「魚是卵生的，所以沒有父母也沒有兄弟姊妹。」
但是或許因為我們家有四姊弟，我總覺得那是四條沙丁魚兄弟姊妹同時被抓了起來，並排地死在一起。我小聲地說出心裡的想法後，祖母一邊眨著被煙燻得難過的眼睛，一邊盯著我的臉，「我看你是書讀太多，有點神經衰弱了吧！」
當時還不流行「精神官能症」的說法。
我不覺得自己是神經衰弱，而是不知道為什麼這個時期起，我開始介意起「魚眼睛」。
.......................................................(這段打著打著有點恐怖，先省了)
一旦對魚眼睛有意見，吃整條連頭帶尾的魚便很痛苦。端上來的如果是生魚片或切塊的魚肉就還好，若是整條燒烤的竹筴魚或秋刀魚則很難下箸。
有時候我會跟著母親或祖母到市場買魚。儘管心裡想著不要看，視線還是自然地瞄到魚身上。不管是什麼魚都沒有眼瞼和睫毛，而是圓睜著黑色的眼珠子。新鮮的於眼球透明如水，隨著時間經過會變成像鄰居中風的老爺爺一樣，眼睛混濁。想到燒煮之後，魚的眼睛會變白，我覺得不忍心，於是固執地要求大人買生魚片或是切開的魚肉塊。
如果一條魚切成兩塊，我會要尾巴的部份。而像比目魚這種魚，黑色的那一面有兩隻眼睛擠在一起，所以如果要吃頭時，我一定迅速地將魚身翻到白色的那一面才動筷子，至少心裡好過些。
「魚眼球的肉最好吃了。」
看著父親和祖母忙著夾於眼睛周圍的肉來吃，不禁覺得他們好殘忍呀。偏偏我又特別愛吃魚肉，害怕看見魚眼睛卻愛吃魚肉，我這個人還真是麻煩。
討厭的食物還有「魚骨湯」。
就是吃完魚肉後，將吃剩的魚骨、魚頭熬成湯來喝。由於我的身體一向很虛弱，祖母每次都說魚骨湯很營養，要我一定得喝掉，我只好閉著眼睛喝光。我想現在一定還有很多老人家會這麼做，以前的人總是捨不得丟掉有鹹味的東西，祖母連剩在碟子裡的醬油都會加點熱水喝掉。
..............................
讀書的時候總忍不住把自己或身邊的人放在文章裡，就像後段也會看到自己像孩子一般任性執拗的樣子，簡單來說，就是有那種「呀！跟我一樣這麼龜毛呀！」這篇文末她寫著：「不曉得是被鍛鍊的還是年紀大了的關係，如今看到別人不吃鯛魚的眼肉，還會主動跟人家要來享用呢！」看著又邊猜著，是不是等年紀大些，自己也會跟著變呢...。
2007.01.20.睡前.
最後更新時間 2007-03-04 11:25:57
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